Christmas 2008

Wow, it's been a long while since posting on my blog. I was thinking this morning that now is as good a time as any to put up something new. I am believing that what comes from me will not always sound as negative as it does right now. I'll just see where this goes.

'Christmas' for us this year was bittersweet. My daughter, Heather and I moved to a different area of Arizona this past July so it's been 5 months in the new place. We're currently facing some very challenging things financially so staying positive has been an uphill climb but we're taking it a day and a step at a time. I didn't have anything monetarily to buy her gifts with and the guilt I felt was almost crushing. To be truthful, I haven't really allowed myself to feel it because it hurts so much. She is such a light and joy in my life that I want to do SO much for her and it has felt powerless to not be able to. Everything philosophical I've ever learned and read is swirling in my head right now but these are my feelings about it. She, however created this beautifully, magical day for us and I don't know quite how to express my gratitude. I woke up yesterday morning to a trail of bows from my bedroom to the kitchen, where I saw our kitchen table looking like a winter wonderland. It was covered with 'snow' and gold tinsel was strewn around the chairs. There was a white artificial poinsettia centerpiece, with candles all around it. Gorgeous! Beside that was a wrapped gift with a card and a note. I also had little notes waiting for me in our computer room, from 'Santa Bean.' Her nickname for years now has been, My Little Lima Bean and Santa Bean is one of its many evolutions. :o) Once she got up yesterday, I read the note and card and opened the gift. It was The Golden Compass, a favorite movie of mine. Because of having resolved to myself earlier in the month that we were not going to exchange gifts this year, this was a sweet surprise. We then spent the day together, watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and then it was time to get ready for dinner. She asked me to get her sweater out of the car in the garage, which wasn't there. She then locked the door and said she was playing a trick on me. Come to find out, she was putting a bicycle in my room that she had gotten and needed me to be out of the house while she moved it from her room to mine. I then asked her to agree with me that until I can get a bike for her, we will share this one since we both love to ride. I'm blown away. I've wanted us to have bikes because ours got stolen a couple of years ago, while living in Yuma, Az. I have the most precious, beautiful and giving daughter. I feel like words fail me in expressing just how much she means to me. I truly love the bond we share. She said to me at dinner, "Holidays just wouldn't be the same without you. Promise me that we'll always find our way to each other." I realize that she's at a point in her life, being 18 that she is contemplating about the direction she will go next. Although I am her mother, with the changes in my life over the past almost 18 months, I find myself doing very much the same thing. Our desires are similar in many ways, so who knows the adventures awaiting us. During our dinner of wonderful brown rice pasta, peas, olive oil and Italian herbs, we had a glass of cherry flavored sparkling cider and toasted to each other and new beginnings. She is my best friend and I wanted to put together a post to honor the beautiful young woman she is. One that I am so very proud of.

Heather, thank you with all of my heart for being the gift that you are in this world. My life has been dramatically and profoundly impacted by you and you truly have been my greatest teacher. My prayer and intention for you is that you experience ALL of the joy, peace, happiness and fulfillment in this life that you are so deserving of.

I love you!

Why?

Why does it feel like the pain will never end? Why has my daughter been through so much in her life? Why can't I seem to help her?? Or myself? Why do people say they love you and they're there for you when they're really not? Why did The Coutlee's say they love Heather and I so much but now will only type three lines back after I write to them, pouring my heart out? Why is it that I sent them a text message, never to hear anything in return? Why have I lost "Christian" friends, just by being myself, flawed as I am? Why do I feel like I have a never-ending pit of loneliness inside? Why is it that when I would be going through things earlier in my life, that the phone would ring just at the 'right' time but now, I can be cold, all alone and empty with absolutely no hope in sight? Why is it that I have $2.00 and some change to my name and absolutely no motivation, whatsoever, to try to find work? Why does no one seem to understand that my daughter and I have been through 12 years of emotional and verbal abuse in my marriage? Why do #W$^$%^&$ therapists have to charge money to help people? Even sliding scale means there a cost of some kind. How can you take from negative??? Why is it that fellow 'Christians' want to give me text book answers to these questions? Why can't people be in the ditches with us, FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES???? I feel like screaming until I can't anymore but if I do, I hurt physically so that doesn't work either. Why does it appear that some people have the answers and others struggle all of their lives? Why do I cry alone? Why does my daughter not tell me most of what she goes through? I feel like I have ruined her life. She's turning 18 in a month and 2 days and I have absolutely nothing to buy her anything with and there are no friends I could get together for a party. She adores Josh Groban and I wanted to get her tickets to a concert... I want her to have some joy. It breaks my heart to see my daughter look so sad all the time, knowing how she was when she was a little girl, before all that happened in my marriage. My bad choices have really screwed up her life and I can't take it back. She looks like a shell of the bright, beautiful personality that she was at 5. We've been so isolated that she's never been in a play or known what sleepovers are like. Now she's almost 18 and feels like she's been robbed of her mother. I don't blame her a bit because she has been. I've taken refuge in the computer because of not wanting to face the pain of my reality. Now that he's no longer living in the same house with us, a large part of what we were fighting daily is gone but we most certainly are dealing with the aftermath. Well, not dealing with it.....just breathing. Why am I living in a town where people are so disconnected that I could literally disappear here and no one would be the wiser? Why do both of my parents have to be dead? I lost my father when I was 6, to the military and my mother to small cell lung cancer in June 2006. She was my biggest fan and always there with unconditional love. We definitely had our problems, but I realize now that she believed in me, no matter what. It hurts so bad sometimes that I ache for one of her hugs or smiles. Just to hear her voice one more time. I can't. That's that. I just can't. She's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. Why do we learn? It seems as though the more I learn, the more alienated I feel. I suppose I know why the saying exists, "ignorance is bliss." I hear my daughter say a lot that she preferred the world when she didn't know so much. I relate to that. I don't understand if there's going to be so much pain, why we live in the first place. I can, just like so many people give the PC answer or the religious one.....because that's life, grow up and suck it up! Because God has a purpose, etc. I'm 38, turning 39 next month and still don't have a clue about the direction my life is going. I feel less sure now than I think I ever have. Why do people ask questions, as if they're going to help you in some way and then never e-mail back after that? Why is my life so different than when I was a child? I was so filled with hope and dreams, so sure and so happy. This feels like some big, sadistic joke. I want my daughter and I to have a real chance to heal but there just don't seem to be the resources we need and I have no idea what to do about it. We used to take drives around town, on a regular basis, just to get out of the house, see something different and talk. Well with the freakin' gas prices as astronomically high as they are, who can do that?????? It was the one thing we had left to do that didn't cost a whole lot of money. Even when we do go out, it's just the two of us. Trying to find someone in this town to do something with is like pulling teeth.

I guess I've said enough for now. I was laying on the couch crying and decided to just come to my blog and type whatever is on my mind. Although it's the last thing on earth I need, I'm sure someone will judge me for this but I don't have control over that. Just over me and this is my blog, so I can say whatever I want and need to here.

$25 Anyone?

I saw an ad for this new service like PayPal, called Revolution Money Exchange on my friend, Julie's blog. I just signed up and got $25. I've placed a banner here at the top right on my blog, if you would like to sign up as well. A neat extra is that if you sign up, I'll get another $10 for the referral. Cool, huh? You can actually get up to $500 by referring people, so check it out! Clicking the banner will automatically give me credit for referring you. The $25 promotion is going on through May 15th, so I hope you'll sign up soon.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oprah, Labels & Other Such Things

It's been a while since I've posted anything, especially that wasn't a song or a music video but there's something that's been on my mind since last night that I would like to blog about.  I've had so much welling up inside me throughout the day that I haven't written down but I'm trusting that what I want to articulate will be there as I go...

My subject matter for this post is Oprah Winfrey.  Hers is a name that brings any number of words to mind with people.  For me, three words would be inspiring, passionate and spiritual.  I read a blog post last night from someone I consider to be a friend...however, this is one subject that we do not agree on and that's what I want to talk about here.  He gave a link to another blog called, "Oprah and other false gods:  The Jealousy of God."  In glancing over this blog, I saw phrases like, "Oprahanity, the gospel of Oprah, the gospel of self."  I also saw this quote:  "I admit I am not what I would call an "expert" on Oprah.  I have followed quite a bit of the info that comes out now and then about her religious/spiritual beliefs but I can't watch her show (I do look now and then to have some idea of how she views these things, sort of my pop-culture "investigation"), it is tedious/boring and brain numbing viewing, (give me Plutarch any day over Oprah LOL) its torturous...I feel bad for just posting this video!!!  LOL  But hey people should have an idea of what is out there plus I like to engage with the culture around me..."

What are we so afraid of??  I have been greatly inspired and touched by this woman's courage and compassion....my life has been changed and is continually being changed, as a result of watching her show.  I do not worship Oprah but I do highly regard her as a wonderful and caring human being, with a powerful influence.  To the ones who are criticizing and quoting her I want to ask, "Do you have the WHOLE story or are you taking pieces out of context to propagate* your fears?!?"  I read these blogs (this isn't the first time I've seen one like this about her) and the comments that are made, along with the foolish e-mails that come through my inbox from time to time, with strong warnings to stay away from her and I think, "I'm not getting this at ALL from anything I've seen on her show or have read in her magazine, etc."  I do, however see how that impression could be gotten by skimming over or watching bits and pieces here and there; after all, none of us have ever been guilty of trying to communicate with someone else, only to have them cut us off mid-sentence, misconstruing* everything we were attempting to get across...right?  

Growing up in a Christian home, I was taught (in the church) intolerance, fear and judgement. Oh, but we don't call it that.  Anyone that wasn't saying what they (the church) told me was right was considered evil, the devil or demon possessed, worldly, new-agey (whatever term would work) and I needed to run far away from that as fast as I could go. Now that I'm an adult that just translates as not being open to consider anything else as having truth...I've got to pick it apart to the point that it's not even recognizable by the time I'm done.  This is sickening to me!!  Is God not big enough?  I mean, is he really so small that he's wringing his hands in worry that we're going to hear something that will *God forbid* CHANGE and TRANSFORM us??  Oh wait, I mean make us one of "THOSE NEW AGERS or false gods or prophets."  *sarcasm intended there*  In other words, I just cannot believe that he's in a fit of anxiety about these things.  I also do not believe that he's this cold, disconnected entity* that is not very much involved with our lives.  On the contrary, I fully believe that he indwells* me.  

If we're so willing to "investigate" Oprah, as was mentioned in the quote above, what, may I ask, are we going to do with just about every Disney movie ever made?  Case in point, the following:  Brother Bear, Balto, Mulan, Cinderella, Lilo & Stitch, Pocahontas, The Ant Bully and LOTS more.  I have many Christian friends who absolutely adore these movies and they and their families watch them repeatedly and have them in their libraries; including myself.  Okay, so Brother Bear; fantastic movie, full of "new-agey" type stuff.  Balto, definitely lots of spiritual aspects.  Mulan was looking to her ancestors for guidance in her decisions, right?  This is one of our personal favorites!!  Cinderella has a fairy Godmother.  Stitch in Lilo & Stitch is an alien.  Wow, what category does that fit into?  Do I even need to mention Pocahontas??  Indians, ancestors, talking trees......oh yeah, Lord of the Rings has talking trees too!  :o)  The Ant Bully is also very spiritual and "new-agey" in its approach.  Do all of us who call ourselves Christians suddenly boycott Disney movies, for fear that we might be indoctrinated?  Seriously, though; what's the difference?  

Have Oprah's accusers seen any of 'The Big Give' shows?  I've watched every week and they have been phenomenal!  It's not just good TV, folks.  This is life-changing, truly inspirational stuff.  I guess we can't call it 'Christian' because there's no condemnation in it.  Nothing telling us that we had better do this or God's not going to accept or approve of us.  

The one question that leaves for me however, is this - Where is grace in all of this discussion about Oprah and her affiliates?  Where is grace?........  

Is there a possibility at all that we are the ones not understanding, rather than spending so much time and energy attacking someone whom I believe is making a wonderful impact on this earth?  Just some food for thought tonight.

"He who has ears to hear, let him hear..."

*propagate - to transmit (characteristics) from one generation to another.

*misconstrue - to mistake the meaning of; misinterpret

*entity - the fact of existence; being

*indwell - to exist as an animating or divine inner spirit, force, or principle

*sarcasm - A form of irony in which apparent praise concels another, scornful meaning.

If you've read to this point, thank you.  My daughter also put together her own post on this subject earlier today, and if you'd like to read that, just click the name, Inside My Heart.

Peace be with you all!

Innocence...

Well, here's two posts in one day. I think that's a record for me. :o) My daughter, Heather said she wanted me to hear this song by Avril Lavigne, called Innocence and we just finished sharing that moment. This song really resounded with my heart so I want to share it with you. Music profoundly speaks to me. I love it and thank God for the gift of its expression. I hope you enjoy, my friends.

Also, my daughter has a blog, if you would like to check it out: Inside My Heart



I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com. More colors.

Testify To Love

Good morning! My post today is with my friend, Joel in mind because of a recent post on his blog about the song, Testify to Love. We've had a dialogue about an episode of Touched By An Angel called, The 151st Psalm. You can read about it here, if you'd like to know what it's about. It's one of our favorites and this beautiful song is in it. There's a version by the group, Avalon but I first heard it by Wynonna Judd and that's the one I prefer. I found a video on YouTube, featuring this version so if you have time, I would love for you to join me in listening and watching this wonderful expression of love.

Have a beautiful day! ♥

Wild Horses - My Heart's Cry

I heard this beautiful song today and it deeply touched my heart. Is there anyone else who feels this way? I don't know if anyone ever comes here and views these posts but I put them up because they speak to me and I hope they will to someone else who needs it as well.



I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.


Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield

Ooooh

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out, hmmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
It's greener pastures I'm thinking about
Hmm, wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Ooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

Yeah, oh oh, ye-yeah

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear, but not feel scared

Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

I wanna run too
Oooh oh oh oh
Recklessly abandoning myself before you
I wanna open up my heart
Tell him how I feel, ooh ooh

Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses

Ooh ooooh ooh ooh ye-yeah yeah oohh
I wanna run with the wild horses, ooooh

Beautifully Broken

As I was walking the dog today, the words to an Ashlee Simpson song came to me. Here's to transformation taking place in me and to better days ahead.

I looked for a You Tube video of this but there wasn't one so here's the song and lyrics instead:



I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.


"Beautifully Broken" by Ashlee Simpson

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didnt know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try wipe the tears from my eyes

[Chorus:]
I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it

Every day is a new day I'm reminded of my past
Everytime theres another storm I know that it wont last
Every moment I'm filled with hope
cause i get another chance
But I will try I will try
Got nothing left to hide

[Chorus]

Without the highs and the lows
Where will we go?
Where will we go?

[Chorus]

I am beautifully broken, I am beautifully broken
I am beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it
[Repeats til end, and fades out]

Bet On It!

I just have to share this video.  I love seeing his passion for acting and for life in it.  It inspires me to live authentically and not some false representation of who I am.  This really stirs me so I hope you get something great out of it too.  :o)



Bet On It

Everybody's always talkin' at me
Everybody's tryin' to get in my head
I wanna listen to my own heart talkin'
I need to count on myself instead

Did you ever
Lose yourself to get what you want
Did you ever
Get on a ride and wanna get off
Did you ever
Push away the ones you should've held close
Did you ever let go
Did you ever not know

I'm not gonna stop
That's who I am
I'll give it all I got
That is my plan
Will I find what I lost
You know you can
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it (Bet on me)
I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it

How will I know if there's a path worth takin'
Should I question every move I make
With all I've lost, my heart is breakin'
I don't wanna make the same mistakes

Did you ever
Doubt your dream will ever come true
Did you ever
Blame the world but never blame you
I will never
Try to live a lie again
I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way

I'm not gonna stop
That's who I am (Who I am)
[Bet On It lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I'll give it all I got
That is my plan (That's my plan)
Will I find what I lost
You know you can (You know you can)
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it (Bet on me)
I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it

Oh, hold up
Give me room to think
Bring it on down
Gotta work on my swing
Gotta do my own thing
Hold up

It's no good at all
To see yourself and not recognize your face
Out on my own
It's such a scary place
Ooh
The answers are all inside of me
All I gotta do
Is believe

I'm not gonna stop
Not gonna stop till I get my shot
That's who I am
That is my plan
Will I end up on top again
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, you can
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it (Bet On Me)
I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it

You can bet on me

Love Me For Me

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.


"Love Me For Me"

[Verse 1:]
I'm not the girl that you see in the magazine
Perfect face and perfect body
Never be anyone but the one I am, what I am
I can't bend to your expectations
Look to fulfill any fantasy
If what I am is what you need

[Chorus:]
Love me for me
And not for someone I would never be
Cause what you get is what you see
And I can't be anymore than what I am
Love me for me
Or don't love me

[Verse 2:]
Don't think you're gonna change what's inside of me
Make me who you want me to be
Won't be someone I'm not
Somebody else, someone else
Love me with all my imperfections
Not for an image of your design
Love me for what you see inside

[Chorus:]
Love me for me (love me baby)
And not for someone I would never be
Cause what you get is what you see
And I can't be anymore than what I am (no, no)

Love me for me (yeah, yeah)
And not for someone you wish that I could be

Cause what you get is what you see (What you see)
And I can't be anymore than what I am (no)
Love me for me
Or don't love me

[Bridge:]
I'd never do anything to change you (to change you)
Or make you be anything than who you are (who you are)
All that I am is all that I can be
I love you for you
So love me for me

Love me for me
(Yeah, Yeah)
Or don't love me...

[Chorus:]
Love me for me
And not for someone I would never be
Cause what you get is what you see
And I can't be anymore than what I am (no)

Love me for me (love me)
And not for someone you wish that I could be
Cause what you get is what you see (Is what you see)
So love me for me

Or don't love me

Love me for me

Or don't love me

Quotes that have meaning to me.....

"A state of mind that sees God in everything is evidence of growth in grace and a thankful heart." --Charles Finney

"I believe the reason there are so many dysfunctional Christians out there is not because we're failing to get our acts together and start living right. It’s because we are trying to get our acts together and start living right!" --Joel Brueseke

"Any mixing of law and grace...whether blatantly legalistic or subtly 'balanced' is nothing other than a denial of the finished work of Christ...and bondage." --Anonymous

"The grace of God is dangerous. It's lavish, excessive, outrageous, and scandalous. God's grace is ridiculously inclusive. Apparently God doesn't care who He loves. He is not very careful about the people He calls His friends or the people He calls His church." --Michael Yaconelli

"The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy; I mean that if you are happy you will be good." --Bertrand Russell

“In almost everything that touches our everyday life on earth; God is pleased when we're pleased. He wills that we be as free as birds to soar and sing our maker's praise without anxiety.” --A.W. Tozer

"Courage is grace under pressure." --Ernest Hemingway

"The underlying foundation of all religion is performance – whether it’s a tribal dance around a campfire to satisfy the fire god, or a dead religious activity performed week after week by an evangelical Christian with the intent of impressing his God. It’s all religious performance, and God isn’t impressed by our performance. What impresses Him is faith." --Steve McVey

"Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that's not the way of Christ. Everything of God gets expressed in him, so you can see and hear him clearly. You don't need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to realize the fullness of Christ, and the emptiness of the universe without him. When you come to him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power extends over everything." --Colossians 2:8-10 (The Message)

"People say "If you take the law off me then I can just go out and commit adultery." They are not getting the revelation of the message of grace; they are getting a revelation of the adultery that is in their hearts." --Rob Rufus

"Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds." --Albert Einstein

"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains." --Mary Pettibone Poole

"God spreads grace like a 4 year-old spreads peanut butter - He gets it all over everything." --Mark Lowrey

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." --Matthew 11:29-30 (The Message)

"God sends no one away empty except those who are full of themselves." --DL Moody

"Real, natural learning is in the living. It's in the observing, the questioning, the examining, the pondering, the analyzing, the watching, the reading, the DO-ing, the living, the breathing, the loving, the JOY. It's in the joy." --Anne Ohman

“Education…is a process of living and not a preparation for future living.” -John Dewey

"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” --St. Francis of Assisi

"I believe in God like I believe in the sun, not because I can see it, but because of it all things are seen." --C.S. Lewis

"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the unquestioned answers." --Unknown

"It is the duty of a citizen in a free country not to fit into society, but to make society." --John Holt

"In general, I do believe we spend so much time fretting over where to park, when God wants us to know that He owns the whole dang parking lot...!" --Dena Brehm

"Religion: Man's manipulative attempt to control people in the name of God." --Heather Q.

Once when John Holt (the father of unschooling) was speaking to a school audience, describing his views on the their structured curriculum, a student asked him, "But surely there must be something important enough that everyone should learn it?" He thought for a moment and replied, "To learn to say 'I'm sorry', 'I don't know', and 'I was wrong'."

"Just as Christ did not have to sin in order to be made sin, we must do nothing righteous in order to be made righteous." --Rob Rufus

"The Lord will keep you from every kind of harm. He will watch over your life. The Lord will watch over your life no matter where you go, both now and forever." Psalm 121:7-8 (New International Reader's Version)

"They must find it difficult...
Those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than the truth as authority." --Gerald Massey

Grace isn't cheap. Grace is FREE!

"No man knows how bad he is until he tries very hard to be good" -- C.S. Lewis

"Do you know why everyone outside the Church views the Church as hypocrites, and blasphemes Jesus Christ? Because there are people who boast in a law they cannot keep and lay it on people's backs who cannot keep it." --Matthew Campbell

"The sad truth is that most Christians spend their entire lives trying to score points with Someone who is not keeping score." --Wayne Jacobsen

"Education is not so much the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire." --William Butler Yeats

"A knowledgable man knows he has limited knowledge." --Unknown

"Cause if you want to be one of His, Got to act like one of us. Cloneliness is next to Godliness, right?" --Steve Taylor

"What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." --Unknown

"Just 'cause you're right - that don't mean I'm wrong." --The Outfield

"If not now, then when? If not here, then where? If not this way, then what way?" --Unknown

"Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." --Mark Twain

"You have to stand for what you believe in. And sometimes you have to stand alone." --Queen Latifah

"I do not much believe in education. Each man ought to be his own model, however frightful that may be." --Albert Einstein

"I learn by going where I have to go." --Theodore Roethke

"Freedom is the oxygen of the soul." --Unknown

"It's not what you gather, but where you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived." --Unknown

What Artist Should Paint You?

I got this from my friend and fellow unschooler's blog, Stephanie. It was fun to do! Hope you take it too and let me know what you get. ;o)

Who Should Paint You: Alfred Gockel

All American yet funky, you inspire an artist's imagination And while not everyone will understand your portrait, you will!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Conversion?

It's not about converting someone to Christianity but about sharing the love of Christ with them. Conversion is just another one of man's formulas to feed his pride and control others by the mindset that now we have a new convert, we can tell them what to do, how to live, etc. What I'm referring to here is how in churches, it's stressed to win souls for Christ. We have an alter call and think that we have done something great. How can relationship flow out of seeing someone as a project, someone who needs to be "fixed?" Doesn't that somehow elevate us as superior to them? Are we "better" than they are because we have the title of "Christian?" What did we do to become a Christian, other than receive the beautiful gift of God's grace? We are all on the same playing field.

Just sharing some thoughts.....

I Know Who I Am

I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth ( Matt.5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant ( Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God ( Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
who you are?


I got this from a very good friend's blog post on MySpace and wanted to share it with you all.

My Personality Profile Results

If you would like to take this yourself, go here: Lifetime Guarantee

***This first one is my most dominant personality type***

Inspirational - Your score: 31

Personality Type

• Inspiring
• (Virtue - Courage)

Personality Traits

• Ambitious
• Charger
• Confident/Determined
• Intuitive
• Persuasive
• Spontaneous
• Adaptable
• Responsible

Flesh Type & Traits (Over-bearing)

• Pushy/Ready-Fire-Aim
• Domineering/Intimidating
• Egotistical
• Restless
• Insensitive
• Undisciplined
• Over-bearing
• Can't say no

What I Want

• Opportunities
• Variety
• Change
• Challenges
• Appreciation, Praise
• Leadership

Biblical Characters

• Peter, David, Joseph

Likely Spiritual Gift(s)

• Leadership
• Exhortation

Favorite Question

• What can this become?

Measures Results By

• Goals met, people grow

Leadership Style (Technique)

• Leader, Administrator

Works Best (Relationally)

• Fast, with a team

Motivated By

• Verbal or written appreciation

Most Easily Recruited By

• Opportunities

Goal Setting

• End is important

Teach By

• Variety

Attitude Toward Meetings

• Good - looking for new ideas

Attitude Toward Authority

• Tolerate

Deals With Reality By

• Enriches

I Will Respond To

• Genuineness and positive attitude
• A personal visit; take time to know me
• A program that is moving
• Quality
• A strong sense of leadership and direction

What I Want From You

• To be friendly, open and enthusiastic
• You want to know who I am
• Your actions follow your words
• Openness and honesty
• Acceptance, praise
  

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***This is my secondary***

Harmonious - Your score: 29

Personality Type

• Harmonious
• (Virtue - Love)

Personality Traits

• Agreeable
• Cooperative
• Devoted/Loyal
• Empathetic
• Generalizes
• Harmonious
• Dreams
• Merciful
• Relational
• Submissive
• Supportive

Flesh Type & Traits (Over-bearing)

• Low Self Esteem
• Passive
• Self-Condemning
• NaÏve
• Misses Details
• Co-Dependent
• Procrastinates
• Martyrdom
• Vulnerable
• Indecisive
• Gullible

What I Want

• Love
• Trust (Confidence)
• Relationships
• Communication
• One-on-One
• Harmony

Biblical Characters

• John, Moses, Mary, Barnabas, Stephen

Likely Spiritual Gift(s)

• Exhortation
• Giving
• Mercy

Favorite Question

• Why or why not?

Measures Results By

• Did everyone win?

Leadership Style (Technique)

• Easy-going

Works Best (Relationally)

• Carefully with Others

Motivated By

• Trust

Most Easily Recruited By

• Relationship

Goal Setting

• Meet each person's needs

Teach By

• Listen-talk

Attitude Toward Meetings

• Positive

Attitude Toward Authority

• Respond to those they respect

Deals With Reality By

• Internalizes

I Will Respond To

• People who take time to know me individually
• People who will respond to my personal concerns
• Needs and hurts, giving freely of myself and my resources
• Genuine initiative from other people

What I Want From You

• Trust and relationships
• Dependability and supportiveness
• Dependable leadership
• Adequate time for decision-making

Because You Loved Me

I made this Flash Music Player at MyFlashFetish.com.

I Love You Jesus

Jesus, I love you....so much. Thank you for my life. Thank you for all of my precious friends, who share and impart your beautiful grace to me. My life is richer because they're a part of it. I love the way you love me through them. I love to look into the face of my beautiful daughter and see your reflection in her smile. You are so beautiful to me; so sweet, so pure and so real. There's no pretense in you; no distance. I'm thankful that You never leave me alone; that You love me without measure and it's not based on my performance or how perfect I try to do things. Wow, to think that Your righteousness is a gift and my response is only to receive it. It's mine because of the price you paid. Thank you, Abba. Your love is amazing. I pray that everyone who reads this will feel your presence. How awesome You are! Great, mighty and majestic God.....I love you.

This song just came to me and the lyrics are posted below. Isn't he amazing?

I made this Flash Music Player at MyFlashFetish.com.

Because You Loved Me, sung by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am

Relationships

I was thinking earlier today about relationships and what they mean to our lives. This is something I have really contended with because of hearing so many different insights and opinions from others. I've heard that the only one we are to supposed to need is God...well, if we are the body of Christ, He lives in all of us, right? Therefore, I'm of the mind that He not only created us for relationship with Him, but with each other so that He can live and love through us.