Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas 2008

Wow, it's been a long while since posting on my blog. I was thinking this morning that now is as good a time as any to put up something new. I am believing that what comes from me will not always sound as negative as it does right now. I'll just see where this goes.

'Christmas' for us this year was bittersweet. My daughter, Heather and I moved to a different area of Arizona this past July so it's been 5 months in the new place. We're currently facing some very challenging things financially so staying positive has been an uphill climb but we're taking it a day and a step at a time. I didn't have anything monetarily to buy her gifts with and the guilt I felt was almost crushing. To be truthful, I haven't really allowed myself to feel it because it hurts so much. She is such a light and joy in my life that I want to do SO much for her and it has felt powerless to not be able to. Everything philosophical I've ever learned and read is swirling in my head right now but these are my feelings about it. She, however created this beautifully, magical day for us and I don't know quite how to express my gratitude. I woke up yesterday morning to a trail of bows from my bedroom to the kitchen, where I saw our kitchen table looking like a winter wonderland. It was covered with 'snow' and gold tinsel was strewn around the chairs. There was a white artificial poinsettia centerpiece, with candles all around it. Gorgeous! Beside that was a wrapped gift with a card and a note. I also had little notes waiting for me in our computer room, from 'Santa Bean.' Her nickname for years now has been, My Little Lima Bean and Santa Bean is one of its many evolutions. :o) Once she got up yesterday, I read the note and card and opened the gift. It was The Golden Compass, a favorite movie of mine. Because of having resolved to myself earlier in the month that we were not going to exchange gifts this year, this was a sweet surprise. We then spent the day together, watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and then it was time to get ready for dinner. She asked me to get her sweater out of the car in the garage, which wasn't there. She then locked the door and said she was playing a trick on me. Come to find out, she was putting a bicycle in my room that she had gotten and needed me to be out of the house while she moved it from her room to mine. I then asked her to agree with me that until I can get a bike for her, we will share this one since we both love to ride. I'm blown away. I've wanted us to have bikes because ours got stolen a couple of years ago, while living in Yuma, Az. I have the most precious, beautiful and giving daughter. I feel like words fail me in expressing just how much she means to me. I truly love the bond we share. She said to me at dinner, "Holidays just wouldn't be the same without you. Promise me that we'll always find our way to each other." I realize that she's at a point in her life, being 18 that she is contemplating about the direction she will go next. Although I am her mother, with the changes in my life over the past almost 18 months, I find myself doing very much the same thing. Our desires are similar in many ways, so who knows the adventures awaiting us. During our dinner of wonderful brown rice pasta, peas, olive oil and Italian herbs, we had a glass of cherry flavored sparkling cider and toasted to each other and new beginnings. She is my best friend and I wanted to put together a post to honor the beautiful young woman she is. One that I am so very proud of.

Heather, thank you with all of my heart for being the gift that you are in this world. My life has been dramatically and profoundly impacted by you and you truly have been my greatest teacher. My prayer and intention for you is that you experience ALL of the joy, peace, happiness and fulfillment in this life that you are so deserving of.

I love you!


Joel B. said...

The two of you have the very most special mother-daughter relationship! I'm so glad to have "met" you and I always pray the very best for you. I know that things aren't always the way you wish they would be, but I know that having each other really makes life grand.

Merry (belated) Christmas to you and Beanie! May this final week of '08 and all of the coming new year be full of special blessings for you.

justjuls said...

What a doll. I'm so glad you shared this. Still praying for you!